I'm not sure just where to start, so I guess I will try at the beginning...

I know requests are made of designers during this time of year to ask for help and assistance for donations or purchases made in their stores to help fund Christmas presents, food, paying on the electric bill, the list could go on and on. I hate admitting this, but I have found myself in one of these situations, and it's hard to even come to terms with it.

Back in July, I disapeared from the designing world for 2-3 months. I never shared what was going on, thinking no one would care to know what was happening in my life. I was put into a psychiatric facility because I lost touch with reality and the ones that love me were afraid I was lost to a world that doesn't exist for anyone but myself. I was diagnosed with severe bipolar mixed with schizophrenia. I hear voices that aren't real. I see things that aren't real. I feel as though the entire world is against me and out to kill me, making me paranoid as I'll get out.

I was let go after being in there for a month under extensive treatment with medications and other therapy treatments. I was then put into an intensive outpatient treatment program that had me going to their facility in the outside world, but still was involved in medication treatment along with intensive therapy with just me and also in groups. My stay there was expensive - over $100,000 in treatment and medications since they had me on just about every drug in the book until they found the right combination to help ease the hallucinations but not completely.

My meds have been changed around since that time even. I'm currently in the donut hole with Medicare and my supplimental insurance. That means I have to pay nearly full freight for meds until I reach some ungodly number where they consider it catastrophic and they begin paying for them again. I'm not going to reach that number by the end of the year, so I have to deal with paying over $1,000 in medication every month, with no help or assistance because I "make" too much money with my disability check. My check is no more than $937.00, and meds are over $1000. Anyone can see that it's absolutely insane (no pun intended) and I will never get ahead of the game in trying to pay for them all. This check money is supposed to go towards insurance, food and clothing, and other basic bills called electric and telephone. Quite depressing, isn't it?

I feel like I have no place to go and no place to turn to for help. I"ve heard NO so long it doesn't sting and hurt anymore like it used to do. Now, comes the hard part....

I have my shops in all 4 stores I am selling in as low as I can make them to catch the eye of a buyer and make some purchases for my products. I have set a record low price of $9.49 to buy my whole store. I'm trying everything I know of to help bring in some money to help get my meds taken care of, let alone do anything for William for Christmas. At this point, it looks as though William won't even have a Christmas to wake up to because there just isn't anything there to buy gifts for him with. It's too late to put him on the Salvation Army Angel Tree. No one is taking on new needy families to adopt for the holiday season. It's going to be just nothing, and it's so hard to not feel like it's all my fault.

What I'm asking for from you.... I have a donation button along the side of my blog for people to donate. I have slashed prices in my stores to grab the buyer's attention. I can't even get myself to type the words without bawling. I need help, and have no where else to turn. I know the designing community has helped others, and I've been involved in those types of situations. I know what it's like to do. But I can't make myself ask.

I'm hoping someone will come by and read my story, but I doubt that would happen. If I sell something you might be interested, please consider buying it. Even a tiny something towards my meds will help.

I must hush, because the tears are too heavy and my heart breaking is too much to deal with. If you've made it this far, thank you for thinking of me and for reading about what is going on in my life. And with that, I will say goodnight.

Julie aka Whispy's D'zines